Lona: Chapter One
I'm a polyamorous, bisexual, vegan, witch, Tantra teacher who also hosts trivia on the side. I'm a lot. That's why you can also call me Uber or UberLona. But I'm also so much more than these labels. I'm a multidimensional, extraterrestrial Goddess, here to teach you about the mysteries of the world. But how did I come to be all this? Well, I guess we can start at the beginning.
I moved a LOT growing up, but spent most of my years around Sussex County, Delaware. Delaware is the second smallest state in the country (damn you Rhode Island!). So, I'll give you one guess on what it was like. It was rural, Christian, and all people did was drink. I was lucky enough to live in the beach area which was gorgeous white sand beaches and my entire family lived next to each other. Yes, literal neighbors. Essentially there were two paths to take, fit the mold, or destroy it. You know what I chose.
During college at the University of Delaware (I know, I know!) I met and fell in love with one of the great loves of my life, Dave. Dave also didn't quite fit the mold, so after college we made plans to move far away! We took a month-long cross country road trip that clearly defined our next move: Denver, CO! After getting ceremoniously fired from my lucrative waitressing job in Delaware (great story, maybe I'll share sometime) we finally left! I thought all our troubles were behind us as we packed everything we could into my little truck and a Uhaul and drove into the sunset.
You see, I was harboring a secret that I could never tell anyone in Delaware. A secret that would destroy families. A secret that crushed me by its weight. A secret with pain that I thought would subside when I left. It didn't. My journey through this pain only began once I was able to get out from under the devastating weight of it. But now I had to stare that pain down. Now, the pain wasn't locked neatly away in a little box that said "Delaware". If anything, this made it that much harder to deal with. I struggled for years.
Because no matter how incredible your partner is, they aren't trained to deal with trauma. And my trauma was heavy. I didn't expect someone else to be able to hold it. I couldn't even hold it. And because I couldn't, it spilled out into my life in destructive ways. I was angry, unpredictable, irrational, jealous. I have abandonment issues from the issues I could talk about. As in, I grew up without a father at all. And now he's dead. That's some heavy shit for most people, but this was the appetizer to my real trauma.
Dave and I were still together and he got a job in Bremerton, Washington two years after we moved to Denver. Again, we packed it all up and moved once more. When we bought our house when I was 25, that was my 28th move. Yes, I've moved so many times that multiple years I moved more than once. Totally stable... Then when I was 28 I had my worst year ever. And the standards were really high for me, as you can imagine!
In the span of a few months, I was diagnosed with a malignant tumor behind my retina and began to lose my vision, my girlfriend's husband divorced her, and one of my friends shot herself in the head in front of my best friend. It was devastating in every way you can imagine. I thought that I had been through enough, but the universe had other plans. The doctor's appointments gave me PTSD from the shots directly into my eyeball. Plus there was so much unknown in the beginning. The thoughts swirled in my mind every waking minute. My best friend was on the brink of collapse, while I also needed to mourn the death of my friend. And my girlfriend and her dog (baby Oly!) moved in to my already full house. This was November and December, and by New Year's I was losing it. I decided that I needed to make a resolution that year to make some changes, and told myself I would find a therapist to talk to. This was finally too much.
I had achieved the last few years of New Year's resolutions, so I thought this would be a good goal. But I was terrified. I had told three people my secret at this point, and one of them was dead now. Two alive people on the planet knew this thing that I was going to open up to a complete stranger about. I struggled to even call therapists to ask if they had an opening. But making it a resolution kept me on track. By February, I had an appointment. Now, I don't want you to think that every person's relationship with their therapist is ideal. Therapists, or counselors, aren't a magic "fix-it" button for all your problems. And some even do damage to their clients. But my therapist was an absolute dream! She was one of the early adopters of polyvagal theory (which is now finally becoming the standard), she encouraged me to meditate, we did hypno-therapy, and brain spotting, and EMDR. I saw her every week for two years before I lost my insurance. And she helped me immensely. I can't thank her enough, or me enough for finally making the choice to go.
Then the pandemic happened. I was fired from my fancy corporate job (which is how I lost my insurance) and was stuck inside. A friend delivered a bunch of books that he was getting rid of and in them were books about becoming a Witch! I had never really heard of or considered this, but the books called to me. I began my studies to become a Witch during the pandemic and loved every second! Then I got to the sex magick portion and was very drawn. My trauma caused me to be very hypersexual, so sex had always been a big part of my life. Well, every time you do research about sex magick, Tantra comes up! So, I began practicing Tantra, then found a Tantra Teacher training in Greece, then started teaching workshops!
Now, here I am teaching others the path that I so ungracefully walked myself. I hope to show others the path so that they might walk it a little easier. I've been through more than most people. A fact that I denied for a long time. But now I'm not afraid to say it: I've been through some shit. So, take it if you like, leave it if you will, but always feel free to reach out to me anytime to talk. I'm here for you on this journey.
INSPIRED ACTION: What's your story? It's so cathartic for me to tell mine. Maybe it could be for you. Literally write down what your journey has been and maybe consider telling someone. For me, holding the secrets in has been exhausting. Safely share them with others and see how it feels. You could find healing in the story, like me.